Nothing New

It's been just over a month since my miscarriage, and not much has changed since then.  I did go see an OBGYN, and everything looks "normal".  I have another appointment scheduled in 3 weeks where she will do bloodwork to check for thyroid, vitamin deficiencies, etc., to make sure I'm in tip top shape for when we try again!  The only news I have is we've booked our trip to Jordan (with a stopover in Dubai) which will be happening in 4 weeks!  We will be gone for 15 days (including travel) and are quite excited (and maybe nervous)!  And we also found a deal on a flight to Chicago that we could just not pass up, so we will be going out to see my sister and her family right before my birthday in October.  Happy 28th Birthday to me!  These next few weeks will be busy as we prepare for our trip: getting travel insurance, making travel plans, and packing.  It will be an incredible experience and I cannot wait!

Progress

Well, it absolutely PAINS me to say this, but I have had a miscarriage.  I started to have some cramping and bleeding on Thursday when I got home from work.  I decided to stay home from work on Friday, since my new doctor's office didn't open until 8:30 am and I knew if they wanted to see me I'd basically leave work when I got there to drive back to Arlington.  Although the doctor did not see me, they ordered bed rest and to monitor my symptoms.  I tried not to move on Friday (other than to get food and go to the bathroom), and took it easy Saturday and Sunday as well.  When I called the doctor again Monday to report my progress over the weekend (the cramping and bleeding stopped Saturday morning), I was able to move up my initial new patient appointment a week to July 9.  I really wanted to get checked out and get some blood work taken to make sure things were still progressing.  My sister recommended I call my current gynecologist and see if they would be able to do blood work.  I called them and luckily they squeezed me in and said they wanted to see me ASAP because of my symptoms.  My doctor was concerned about the bleeding, and ordered some blood work.  He called me today after getting the results, and the blood work came back negative.  Although my doctor said this is never good news, it is good news that we know that I can get pregnant.  I knew this could be a possibility and had already tried to mentally prepare, but I was still not expecting his news.  I cried in the bathroom at work for about 40 minutes, while texting my sister and a few other friends I had reached out to.  My doctor recommended we wait a full period cycle before we try again, just to make sure everything has sorted itself out.  I am really sad and it's just so crazy how up and down you can go in exactly a week.

My Fourth Pregnancy Test

The only plus about the bogus pregnancy test was I got to share a very special moment with my sister, Amanda.  The day dragged on yesterday, but finally it was time to leave and I jumped in my car and couldn't get to my Mom's house any faster.  Amanda was waiting there for me with a plastic cup in hand and ordered me upstairs.  I took the test and we anxiously waited outside the bathroom for the test to finish.  This was my first time having someone else there, so it was nice to not be the only one pacing about.  She went in to check on the test, and came out of the bathroom with it in hand and smiling, so I assumed it said "pregnant".  She asked if I wanted to know and showed me the test and it did say "pregnant".  We hugged (and cried!) and were just both relieved.  Amanda said she had a dream 2 nights prior that woke her up at 4 am that I had taken a pregnancy test that came back positive so she had a feeling I was in fact pregnant.  I took a picture of the test and we hid the evidence since my parents would be coming home any minute.  The best part is we were surrounded by a 1 and 3 year old and neither of them had any clue what was going on.

Tyler didn't come over until later for dinner.  Everyone was already there (my parents, Marianne & Andy) since we were having our last meal together before Amanda and the kids went back home to Indiana.  When Tyler went to get a beer in the basement, I followed him and showed him a picture of the test that said "pregnant".  Once he realized what he was looking at, his eyebrows raised (in a shocked and surprised way) and he gave me a hug and a kiss.  And we both said, well it's done now!  We were both really kind of shocked, and I still don't think it has set in.

The rest of the evening, Amanda and I continued to talk in code, which I don't think anyone else caught on.  I've got some calls to make to the doctor, and a bunch of things to read on what I can/can't eat, use, etc.  I was really happy to have shared that special moment with my sister since she has been there a lot for me in the last few months that we have been trying to get pregnant.  What a great memory!

Third Times the Charm?! I Think Not...

I haven't even thought about posting in awhile because I didn't have an update since the last post.  We are still trying, but are still not pregnant.  It has been really difficult to try to predict my ovulation, since my temperatures are not consistent and really bounce back and forth.  This is our 5th month of trying, and I know that's not a really long time, but when you have it on the brain it really seems like a long time.  

So far, I have waited until a missed period (or at least what I thought was a missed period) to test since I don't want to waste the pregnancy tests!  The bad thing with that is the suspense is always grueling just waiting!

My third pregnancy test was taken the morning on Tuesday, June 17.  We were visiting Tyler's family the previous weekend, and I decided I wanted to wait until we were back home since I wouldn't necessarily have privacy to take a pregnancy test, and I didn't think I could keep it a secret if I found out I was pregnant!  That morning I really dreaded getting up, because I didn't want to disappointment if it said "not pregnant".  I finally dragged myself out of bed and took the test... only to find out the test was a dud!  Oh my goodness, this is some cruel joke because I didn't have another pregnancy test!  So bummed as I was, I had to go to work and try not to obsess over it.  I went on my lunch break to buy another test and then waited to test when I got home from work.  And waited, and waited... the day could not drag on any slower...

My Second Pregnancy Test

I took my second pregnancy test on Friday, March 14.  I was so anxious to see the results and I tell you what, those 2 minutes you wait are excruciating!!  Much to my disappointment the test said "NOT PREGNANT".  Now I was thoroughly confused because I thought I was 5 days late and took again to the internet.

Once again, I was schooled in how the female body works.  I didn't know that your ovulation date determined when your period would start.  I know by tracking my BBT that I ovulated on day 21 of my cycle (which is considered on the late side), and then your luteal phase lasts 12-16 days before your period starts.  So I thought my period was late based on my average 28 day cycle, but in actuality because I ovulated late my period "due" date was actually not the same.  And wouldn't you know on day 14 of my luteal phase my not so friendly "friend" showed up right on time (of the "real" time).  Major bummer  :(

So back to the drawing board we go and I continue to try to chart out and make sense of the female body!

My First Pregnancy Test

(Days leading up to my very first pregnancy test)

I've been counting down the days to see if my monthly "friend" would visit me this month.  My cycle has been very consistent since stopping birth control.  I decided in advance to wait until the morning after I was 2 days late to take a pregnancy test, which would be Tuesday, March 11.  I consulted with my Sister, and freaked out with her when I really was 2 days late.  I could hardly sleep Sunday and Monday night, I was thinking so much about it!

(Morning of my very first pregnancy test)

I leapt out of bed (well not really since I had to move the dog from his slumber to allow me to get out of bed!) and ran to the bathroom.  I kept thinking I hope my "friend" didn't come.  My Sister had already texted me 20 minutes prior saying she couldn't sleep she was so anxious (and let me remind you that she is an hour ahead of us, so it was 5:00 am her time!).  I took the test and anxiously waited for the results... and waited... and waited.  "NOT PREGNANT" flashed across the screen.  My first reaction was "OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOO" because I thought for sure it would say "pregnant".  I texted my Sister the not good news and tried to hold it together.  All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and ditch work for the day.  My Sister suggested re-testing in 2 days assuming I was still late.  She also shared some positive hope and said she knows someone who doesn't test positive until a week after her missed period.  I tried to not think about it too much until I could google more info!  Once I got to work I read from several forums that the pregnancy tests are different from person to person.  Sometimes, people know their pregnant days before their missed period, others not until days after their missed period.  I'm really hoping I'm in the latter and that I might actually be pregnant but the hormones aren't showing up yet.  Now to anxiously wait another 2 days, and going to the bathroom frequently!!

Tracking Your Ovulation Is Harder Than It Seems

For "most" people, you can track your ovulation by charting your temperature from day to day.  The norm is for your temperature to be lower prior to ovulation, then a spike down and then up for ovulation, and then an increase or high temperature during the rest of your luteal phase.

The first month of charting, I had this perfect example of the temperature differences, including a spike down the day prior to ovulation and a significant spike up on ovulation.  So I figured, hey this thing is easy, we got this, let's try next month.  Well here's where it goes wrong...

The second month of charting I did not have the sudden spike signaling ovulation.  I thought maybe I didn't ovulate because I was kind of stressing over "the perfect time" since Tyler really wanted to try for a boy.  Since I didn't think I ovulated, and wasn't able to track it, I pretty much hoped that month would be a fluke and we'd try the next month.

The third month of charting I also did not have the sudden spike signaling ovulation.  I had several spikes, but then the following days the temperature would decrease or increase.  I was getting really frustrated and took again to the internet to see what I could find out.  Apparently not all ladies get the sudden spike in temperature for ovulation, it can also be a gradual increase over the rest of your luteal phase.  Now this was starting to make sense, because that's what happened in month 2.  I also found out that you don't necessarily ovulate on the same day from month to month, something else I was predicting wrong.  Bottom line, each month can be completely different, from the day you ovulate to how your chart signifies ovulation... great, this may be harder than I think!  Since I didn't feel confident I could "pinpoint" the day of my ovulation, we decided on the other route -- try multiple times during my "fertile" window.  I believe I was able to pinpoint my ovulation after the fact, and we just hoped that our method worked this month.